What does fulfillment even mean?
Fulfillment is one of those words that can feel a little vague or hand-wavy. It’s kind of like happiness but, you know, deeper. What does it actually mean? How do you find it? Ask any two people and you’re likely to get different answers. Heck, even the dictionary definitions are all over the map on this one. Is it about “fully developing one's abilities or character?” Is it more about “the attainment of aspirations?” Is it “a life of meaning, purpose, and satisfaction?”
Those ideas are in the same general ballpark, but they could lead you down very different roads for how to lead a good life. You may be thinking “you know Roxanne, fulfillment doesn’t seem like the most precise word to be using when talking to people about what they want out of life.” You’re probably right! And yet, despite the number of lackluster definitions, there’s a feeling to the word fulfillment. It’s still the best word I have for what I want for myself and for my clients, so I want to take some time to tell you about what it means to me:
A joyful and intentional life at the intersection of individual thriving and the collective good.
A fulfilling life balances what we want for ourselves with what we want for the world. When I talk about individual thriving, I don’t mean succeeding at the expense of others, making gobs of money, or even being happy all of the time. It’s about having behaviors and mindsets that free you up to do what brings you joy and effectively be in community with others, like:
Really knowing (and honoring) what’s important to you
Demonstrating an ability to create change in your life
Knowing how to help yourself (and get out of your own way)
Engaging in behaviors that promote happiness and well-being
But fulfillment requires more than that. We also need meaning beyond our own lives, interests, and personal social circles — to recognize our humanity and interconnectedness and see ourselves as part of a larger whole. Contributing to the collective good entails:
Seeing yourself as part of a community, with all of the benefits and responsibilities that entails
Incorporating what's good for society into your personal decision-making
Contributing to a more just and sustainable world
You might be thinking “so how on earth am I supposed to do both of those things? Aren’t they fundamentally at odds?”
Here’s Where the magic happens
I’d say the truth is just the opposite. With intention, each aim can strengthen the other, creating a virtuous cycle:
When we’re thriving personally, we’re better equipped to show up for our communities. We know what’s important to us, we feel confident in our abilities, and we don’t let self-doubt prevent us from connecting meaningfully with others. At the same time, engaging in activities that contribute to the collective good, like volunteering, giving to others, and connecting socially makes us happier.
So how do we turn theory into action? It starts with being aware of and living from your values. In my next post, I’ll dive into what I mean by values and how to identify yours.
